The Waikiki Warrior

A self witnessing account and daring escape.

August 28, 2010: I had an early schedule this morning to be downtown for a meeting. After my meeting was finished I did not exactly want to go home, after all I rarely go downtown and thought I should make the best of it. After a couple of beers and some hot wings at a family restaurant it was time to go. I still did not want to go home so I fed the fish pellets of dog food from the vending hopper, sat on the rocks and watched surfers fall, and took a nap in the grass under some palm trees. It was time to leave again when the ants decided not to play nice and started to bite me, but I still wanted to do something while I was out and about.

What should I do? Where should I go? This way? That way? Then my inspiration came exploding in power down the sidewalk as if to appear out of the shadows. It was “The Waikiki Warrior” (at least that is what I have named him). Trying to take a clear picture of this illusive creature is not an easy task. You are constantly eluded by his jay walking, shortcuts through “no trespassing” areas, and he is a very quick creature indeed. By the time you have your camera out and up, he is gone. Yes, I could have just ran up to monster and take a shot. But it may run. It may attack. I thought that a candid photo representing it in its natural environment would be best, not to mention my safety concerns.

I fallowed the warrior for some distance. From Ala Moana to the Ala Wai Canal to Waikiki. There was much turning of heads of this scantily clad barbarian force. Not one but two swords strapped to his bare back. Fists of furry, double padded and spiked from elbow to finger tip as he waved them in the air practicing his jabs and uppercuts at stoplights. A toga worn modestly as Kratos “The God of War”. Bands upon his biceps made of skin and bone. And a form of halo crown on his head from some animal’s carcass (I thought at first to be his hair).

Finally the swift beast stopped (presumably to encounter a foe) on Seaside and Kalakaua. This was my chance to capture the man of myth on video! I strapped my phone to my bike, pressed record, and began my encounter. As once I had passed I heard a rustle in his direction. It could have been the wind but I wasn’t taking any chances of being caught in its grasp. As fast as I could I sprinted home as if Charlie with his Golden Ticket to transcribe my experience and the preceding events while the memories were still fresh.

This is my footage and my first encounter with the legend. If anyone else has proof that this man beast exists, please add the photo or video to this article.

The Professor